As Ted Lasso says... be curious

There's a scene in the wonderful Ted Lasso TV series where he's challenged by an antagonistic, pain-in-the-rear Englishman (Rupert) to a dart throwing competition where the prize is for the Englishman not to show up at a soccer match.

Rupert thinks Ted doesn't have a chance, and good humouredly, Ted begins to throw the darts, commenting that he's been underestimated all his life by people who aren't curious about him. Rupert, sneering in the corner, gradually realises that by not being curious and asking questions, he's failed to understand that Ted played darts every Sunday with his dad for years. And Ted wins.

This scene came to mind vividly when I was at a funeral last week (stick with me, it will make sense.)

Funerals aren't supposed to be fun - they're there to help you say goodbye and navigate grief through ritual, recall happier memories and take the first, small step to a changed state. But I've found in the funerals I've attended (rather too many in the last couple of years) that what's said about the deceased is often a surprise, even if you think you know them well.

And you may say - of course. You're never with anyone 24/7, you can't read their every thought, you can't possibly know everything about them. But at a funeral, you have hundreds of stories, told from many perspectives.

For example, I attended the funeral of a much loved uncle-by-marriage last week - I had no idea that he delivered his second child at home. Wow. I never knew that.

In January, I went with other university mates to the funeral of one of our friends - her life cruelly cut off by cancer. I know she did amateur dramatics, but I had no idea how many young women and men she'd encouraged into productions, boosting their confidence. Wow. I never knew that.

When I think back to funerals I have attended, the eulogy always told me something new, something which cast my friend or relative in a different light. And thinking of Ted Lasso, I mourned their loss, but I also mourned the lost opportunity to know more about them, because I was of the view that I 'knew' them.

If I'd been more curious, not simply resting on the laurels of my complacent knowledge, we could have spoken of it, discussed it.

So, this is my new mantra. Be more curious.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments - and also one thing about you that few people know!

Be more curious